Breaking News: Epoch Lacrosse LLC to Exit Production of the New Technology Carbon Fiber Shafts Effective Immediately

Posted on April 1, 2013 by

Categories: Epoch, Sticks/Shafts

Breaking News: Epoch Lacrosse LLC to exit production of the new technology carbon fiber shafts effective immediately.

Recognized as a leader in composite fiber technology, Epoch Lacrosse has identified a changing market and is making adjustments to their shaft line-up.

Breaking News: Epoch Lacrosse LLC to exit production of the new technology carbon fiber shafts effective immediately

(2013 Epoch Dragonfly in white compared to Epoch’s new Unobtanium Prototype)

Minneapolis, MN (April 1, 2013) Epoch has learned players prefer shafts that ding, dent and bend. Since their carbon fiber Dragonfly line-up does neither of these they had to discontinue it starting today. Epoch will launch a new traditional alloy line-up effective immediately named “Unobtainium.”

Visit Epoch’s Facebook page for more info.

Epoch’s new Unobtainium alloy collection is sure to ding, dent and bend as good or better than any other shaft any of the many other alloy shafts on the market and will have the best ding-to-dent ratio available. “If you think your shaft dings and dents now, just wait until you play with our Unobtainium shafts. “Everything old is new again.” Said Ryan Hurley. “Kids want the same old thing. The evidence has shown they prefer regular alloy shafts that ding, dent and bend,” he added.

As you can see from the photo above the Epoch Unobtainum prototype clearly has dings, dents and is really bent as compared to their 2013 Dragonfly that remained perfectly straight and has no dents to speak of.
When questioned about Epoch’s value proposition to offer products designed to maximize performance and playability, James Miceli, Epoch’s principal said, “It will be okay, we have some really cool graphics coming out. We will make it work.”

Visit Epoch’s Facebook page for more info.

Each 30” shaft in the their new line-up will cost $1500. The alloy itself is made up of very expensive materials harvested from the earth but like most alloy shafts on the market will contain .2% Scandium and some Titanium. When pressed for exact quantities of the elements that make up the shaft, representative from Epoch said, “we can’t answer that officially, but off the record we have no idea what is actually inside.”

Visit Epoch’s Facebook page for more info.

In other news, Epoch has changed their tag line from Live.Play.Be to Ding.Dent.Bend.

Visit Epoch’s Facebook page for more info.

Posted in: Epoch

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  • http://twitter.com/estes_marie Marie Estes

    $1500 for a lacrosse shaft? One more thing in the world that’s out of reach for the “real people”. I was hoping for companies to work together to make the game of lacrosse more affordable to help grow the game so more kids can choose to play instead of a sport that just requires new sneakers, cleats, or a ball of some sort. Our high school team has already lost players because of the cost. Families are losing jobs, having hours cut, and/or struggling to pay bills because of rising costs. Sad to see kids punished because they don’t come from a well to do family. The gap between the haves and the have nots is getting wider and wider every day. Greed has taken over this country and the world.

  • http://twitter.com/estes_marie Marie Estes

    $1500 for a lacrosse shaft? One more thing in the world that’s out of reach for the “real people”. I was hoping for companies to work together to make the game of lacrosse more affordable to help grow the game so more kids can choose to play instead of a sport that just requires new sneakers, cleats, or a ball of some sort. Our high school team has already lost players because of the cost. Families are losing jobs, having hours cut, and/or struggling to pay bills because of rising costs. Sad to see kids punished because they don’t come from a well to do family. The gap between the haves and the have nots is getting wider and wider every day. Greed has taken over this country and the world.

  • Not Gullible

    I think you need to take a step back, do a few deep breaths, and then remember that it’s April fools day.

  • http://twitter.com/estes_marie Marie Estes

    Wait a minute……this is an April Fool’s joke isn’t it and I’m THE FOOL. Good thing I can laugh at myself guys!

  • TonyPerkis

    the worst joke going on this website is the awful ads i have to sit through. LPG is dying a slow death